the Past is written in the Future.

Define.

What is the past and what is the future? Is the past written in the future or the future written in the past? As humans we believe whatever happen in the past brings the future. Things like memories can not be in the future if it didn't have the past to write it and the future knows no memories if the past was not there.

We alway blame the past for things that did not go our way in the future. Whatever it was a love one that we never told how we felt back then only to blaming the condition that we was giving in the future. Many of us lie to ourself that the future is not here and so we think to ourself that we are living in the past.

Self.

Life is full of suprises that you can not expect what will happen. I have to admit the past really impacted my future. Who knew I was going to actually join the military if something didn't impact me so much. When I look back in the past I wish I had did many things differently. I blame myself now because I wasn't able to express myself like I wanted to but was I right for blaming the condition?

She was my inspiration, she was the life I wanted, she was the person I've dream of taking care of no matter how things went. Now here I am in the future after the storm settle down, I can see her now walking towards me. But she's not walking by herself anymore neither I'm I. But we seem to be walking a parallel line as if we was living in the past. I thought to myself this can't be a dream, she so in my reach but yet so far. Have she move on because it has been so long, how about me, have I jump in a relationship because my heart was so hurt.

I'm I being selfish and unfair to the person I'm with. She don't deserve me because my heart isn't at the right place. I'm living in the past because all I know is the memories I still have and believe. The women of my past walks with me, her soft calm voice relaxes my heart. I feel as if I'm rewritting the future as if she never left.

Poem.

She walks down the same river,
Still tosses a pebble,
And looks for the ripples,

She has always been a loner,
And on the other side of,
the river was a friend,

She has not been able to swim,
across the river.
for she was afraid of drowning.

She stares at the river,
Indifferent mass of water,
That has wickedly changed its color,

No longer transparent.

As the sun begins to,
kiss the sky,
She looks across again,
Her friend looks back,
and stick his hands out.

She begins to put her feet in the river
To fight her fear of drowning,
But river current was strong,
She gets out,
And she begins to think
about acrossing again.

The agony of deciding if she cross or not.
Do she crosses or do she stays. 
While he waits across the river.

If the world stood still.

Self Identity.

Define.  

Self identity is said to be an essence of a self-conscious mind, it makes a person uniquely what they are. Over time, modifications to one self can change in a person’s identity. People sometime make their actions be the reason to change them self.

Self.

On July 21, 2008 my journey came to an end. Half a year went by, Gee! I have return from a life of isolation from the East to the Midwest, aways from the family and friends I had once knew. My completion of the AirForce basic training and tech-school push me, physically and mentally. Six weeks of Basic military training, where I was put through many challenge in my ability to stay focus under pressure. Then the thirteen weeks of physical training and my will to survive in a combat environment in 100+ degree weather!

My life changed since I have made a choice to join the military. Somewhere in my life I wanted to change myself from the person people had once knew. The journey was like a rollcoaster, the ups and downs, I had thought about giving up many times. But then I remember the action, I have taken was to prove that I could be someone in society. I have met many people during the six months. It's true what they say, people come in and out of your life but it's not who you meet it's the memories they leave you that is important. I honestly do have many memories, especially the one with someone special.

Since I came back, I have been feeling the lows. I stare out in the air blank. It sometime feel like I'm lost and don't seem to know what I want to do now. I usually don't end my entry like this but there so much in my head, I'm thinking it's post training depression. Maybe I should try to breathe, Stay POSTED.

I've return only to find nothing.

Define.

There are two type of peoples out there, but boths have one thing in common. It is to know the reasons for existence. It doesn't matter if you have everything or have nothing at all. Somewhere along the line you struggle through life wondering the same way. Existence is a question of why,  it doesn't have a true answer to it. Each one of us wants to see what the future holds. We fight through each days to survive another day of questions. Life is more then chocolate or better yet more then soldiers blood spilt in war. To some people existence is a state of peace and unity. To most people, the answer to existence is  to be happy until everyone is.

Self.

I defined existence today because I am that person who's alway looking for the answer but never getting one. Most of you already know I join the U.S Airforce, I can tell you now that my real reason in joining is to find my existence. I wanted to feel alive, to work for something through my sweat, and change the way I view life. Before this I've saw my existence only to find that special girl and make my life revolve around her and working day in and day out like everyone out there. But life isn't about that, after falling hard, I've pick myself up and decided to do something about it. My existence now was to change. The Airforce was the place to do it.

It been almost 10 weeks since I left, what I can say about it is that the experiences that I took out of basic training was something that only 4 percent (1 percent) of Americans will ever get to see. I can talk more about my journey and experience but that will be saved for later.

Up next on Xangaedia.

Define.

Our generation been through many technological advances of media and entertainment between the 90s and the 21st century. We were once a TVaholic type of people, watching T.V all day long endlessly.  The introduction of  reality TV took the media world to another direction. Shows like MTV's ; the Real World, Road Rules, Super Sweet Sixteen and others shows currently running on different network. They have kept us entertained because we like watching other people live theirs life on T.V hoping to one day do things like them, so we keep watching.

But with the introduction of the World Wide Web, it have totally change the ways we view medias and entertainments. Blogs have come along way in becoming the next source of entertainments. They always said reading was the best source of entertainments and this is proven to be right. Services like Xanga.com have been giving us the ability to show ourself to the world. They have come along way and alway improving their system to fill the people needs. One feature that is great is that you can interact with your viewers through comments. Unlike the T.V actors, they can not interact with their viewers like blogs can.

Blogging let us show our lifestyle to the world, you might not know it but blogging is a big business over seas. People can become a celebrity overnight with only a few words to say. An example of a famous Xanga celebrity would be Dawn Yang, she became a overnight star in the Singapore world because of her lifestyles and the places she dines in. We could only dreams that we can become something like that and being able to blog about it. We have yet to learn what else Xanga can bring to the table in the upcoming years.

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